“Racing gives me a big sense of freedom,” Gaby dela Merced, a female Formula Three racecar driver, once said in another interview. This stirred up my curiosity. When I was given the chance to interview her, I knew I had to ask her to elaborate this statement. How exactly did racing make her feel free? What was so special about this sport that it evoked such a feeling in her heart? Gaby dela Merced was a happy and successful person. She was part of a broken family, but she wasn’t broken because she was doing something that she loved with all her heart. That was racing. Training and actual racing required patience and discipline, but after years of racing, she was still here, alive and stepping on that gas pedal. She talked about that blissful sense of freedom she would get from racing especially when you start to learn the habits of the car, how it moves, what moves with the road, and it just feels totally fluid. And when she was at that peak and she had to drive to the very edge of it, because 0.1 of a kilometer more, she’d spin out and crash. But when she was past that point, where everything would just click into place, that was when she’d feel free from all those things holding her back. As I listened to her, I couldn’t help but think about my course and my dreams. Was I in the path to success, to happiness? Was it the right decision to take Psychology if I dreamed of becoming a novelist or a screenplay writer? Once I had graduated, I would want to be a professional writer and get published, but what if I couldn’t sell my novels to any publisher? I’d go straight to human resource management and probably spend most of my life there. I would get married and have children, or maybe adopt a cat. It was hard to tell if I could squeeze myself into the writing industry then, joggling life as a wife, as a parent, and as an employee. No matter what I did, there was always something that held me back. How could I break away from the shackles around my wrists? Could I see myself happy even if I couldn’t become a professional writer no matter how hard I tried? That question echoed in my head the rest of the day. It haunted me even as I wrote this article. But one’s happiness should not depend on his success nor on his failures. We should do what we love. But more importantly, we should love what we do. As the philosopher Albert Schweitzer said, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” One should not aim for happiness through success. One should be happy, and be successful, then.
Entablado (At Ang Mahiwagang Kwarto sa Likod Nito)
This is my first Tagalog post. I really like it written in that language, so I’m posting it this way. I’ll probably post an English version when I have time. 🙂
Ang mga tao’y may kanya-kanyang paboritong lugar, lugar kung saan nagagawa niya ang gusto niya, natatamo niya ang gusto niya. Sabi nga ni William Shakespeare sa isa sa kanyang mga komposisyon, “Ang mundo ay isang entablado.” Ang tao’y likas na maraming mukha, maraming katauhang pag-aari. Isa akong aktres, gumaganap bilang isang masikap na mag-aaral sa paaralan, isang masiyahing dalaga sa pook-pasyalan, at isang mapag-arugang ate at mapagmahal na anak sa loob ng bahay. Subalit, pagkatapos ng pagtatanghal ay bababa ako ng entablado at babalik sa kwarto sa likod nito. Ito ang mundo ko, kung saan ako ay ako, kung saan ako ay sinumang gugustuhin ko. Ito ang banyo, ang likod ng aking entablado.
Lumaki akong mapagpanggap, mapagpanggap sa literal nitong kahulugan. Mahilig akong kumuha ng mga katauhan at ihalo sa aking tunay na buhay. Noon, madalas akong napapagalitan at napupunta sa kung anu-anong klase ng gulo dahil papalit-palit ang karakter na ginaganapan ko sa bawat araw, sa loob man ng bahay o sa labas. Ngunit nakuha ko na rin ngayon ang tamang timpla nito makalipas ang ilang taon. Marahil nakikita na ako ngayon ng ibang tao bilang isang normal na babaeng sabay sa alon ng buhay at sumusunod sa takbo ng aming henerasyon. Doon sila nagkakamali. Ang tao ay may iba’t-ibang pagkatao sa bawat lugar na pupuntahan niya, sa bawat paligid na mayroon siya dahil malaki ang impluwensiya ng kapaligiran ng isang tao sa kanyang pag-uugali.
Araw-araw, gumigising ako para haraping muli ang isang araw ng pagtatanghal, at ang unang akto sa araw na iyo’y ang pagiging isang mag-aaral. Ang paaralan ay isang parte ng entablado. At ako, isang aktres, ay gaganap bilang estudyante. Isusuot ko ang aking kasuotang angkop sa aking papel, at dadalhin ko rin ang aking ‘props’ tulad ng mga libro at mga kuwaderno. Haharapin ko ang mundong ito sa paraan ng isang mabuting estudyante. Handa man o hindi, ito’y kailangang pagdaanan araw-araw. Pagkatapos ang aktong ito, sasarado ang kurtina para makapaghanda sa susunod na akto.
Pagkarating ko sa bahay, ako’y magpapalit ng damit at kukunin ang pagkatao ng isang matulunging anak, isang mapagmahal na kapatid. Bubukas ang mga pulang kurtina sa entablado at tatapak akong muli sa gitna ng tanghalan. Papasok ako sa bahay at yayakapin ang aking ama’t ina. Damang-dama ko ang bawat yugto ng aking buhay dito sa aktong ito. Ang aming tahanan kasi ang templo ng aking pagkatao. Dito, napakalapit ko na sa aking paboritong kwarto. At kapag natapos na ang aktong ito, makatatakbo na ako pababa ng tanghalan at papasok sa kwarto sa likod nito.
Madalas kong hinahangaan ang napakaringal na anyo ng lugar na ito. May mga paru-parong lumilipad sa paligid, mga puno at bulaklak na may sari-saring kulay. Sa lugar na ito, ako’y nagiging sinumang gusto ko. Ako’y nagiging isang sikat na aktres. Ako’y nagiging isang matikas na mananayaw at talentadong mang-aawit. Ako’y nagiging isang matagumpay na manunulat. Dito ako naghahatid ng aking mga talumpati’t monologo. Minsan, gumagawa rin ako dito ng aking sariling pelikula, kung saan ako ang manunulat ng iskrip, ang direktor, ang bida, ang kontrabida, pati na rin ang mga ekstra. Kung minsa’y ako’y binibigyang-panayam sa kwarto ring ito. Kapag nandito ako sa loob ng kwartong ito, wala na akong hahanapin pa. Lahat ng bagay na aking hinahangad ay natutupad dito sa kwartong ito.
Sinasalamin ng lugar na ito ang aking pagkatao. Ang kwartong ito ang takbuhan ko. Kapag sawa na ako sa pagtatanghal at gusto ko nang maging malayang gawin ang gusto ko, dito ako sa aking mahiwagang kanlungan nagkukubli upang ilabas ang lahat ng damdaming kinikimkim ko sa puso ko. Lahat ng lungkot, tuwa, galit, pagkabigo, lahat-lahat ay nasaksihan ng mga mata ng kwartong ito. At kung ang mga pader nito’y naging salamin, mailalarawan nito ang buo kong pagkatao. Dito sa lugar na ito, ako ay ako.
Dahil sa bawat pagsikat ng araw ay may katumbas na paglubog. Sa bawat taong nabubuhay ay may taong namamatay. Sa bawat ngiting ipinapakita’y may luhang nagkukubli. Sa bawat pagdurusang dinaranas, may kasiyahang nakaantabay. At sa bawat pagtapak ng aktor sa entablado’y may kasunod na pagbaba at pagbalik sa likod ng entablado. Ang banyo, ang paborito kong kwarto, ito ang makulay na mundo sa likod ng mundong ating kinikilala, sa likod ng entablado.
Tips on Becoming A Conversationalist (and Making Good Friends)
There’s this friend I have who asked me how I manage to start and maintain a good conversation with people, even with those who usually refrain from talking to people. Now, here I am, writing another post as I think of the answers to the given question.
To make this easier, I’ll use a different approach. I’ll divide them into three groups, namely, DO’s, DON’Ts, and a list of certain traits a person may or may not have that will really help in becoming a conversationalist.
(Take note: This is my blog. My post. My opinion. If you can’t take my opinion nicely, there’s the ‘close tab’ button up there. Use it. I don’t need your pathetic insults.)
Now that that’s taken care of, let us proceed.
DO’s:
1. Do know what type of relationship you want to build with the person you want to talk to. You don’t want to make him feel used after making it seem like you just want to be friends, then, after a few weeks or months of getting to know each other, you suddenly drop the bomb and confess your love for him. Now, I’m not telling you to drop the bomb as soon as you two have exchanged Hi’s and Hello’s. Just give little hints here and there, especially if you’re a guy (since you’re the one who usually starts the relationship).
2. Do make sure you know who you’re talking to. Know his favorite show, favorite band, favorite celebrity, favorite song, favorite movie, favorite book, favorite food, favorite color, and other things that he really likes. No, it’s not being a stalker; it’s being a person who knows what to talk about. ‘Cause hey, you—especially you girls—do it to get to know your favorite celebrities, right? I don’t think this thing’s very different. And, if it makes any difference, just call it ‘research.’
3. Do make sure you pay attention to what he’s saying. What’s the point in talking to someone if you’re not going to listen, right?
4. Do be open for opinions. You don’t have to agree with everything he says, but, please, don’t always start a debate whenever he says something with which you disagree.
5. Do know your similarities. Being compatible with the person you’re talking to plays a big role in engaging in great conversations with people. When you know your similarities, you can easily come up with a decent topic and you will both have a good time talking about the things you really like.
6. Do be brave enough to give compliments. Compliments—though some people pretend to shove them away for some reasons—, if given sincerely, make a person feel good. They boost a person’s confidence and keep them from being insecure. If a person feels good when he’s with you, then you won’t have to pull him by the hair, and tie his neck to a tree with a leash just to spend some time with him, ’cause he’ll be the one who’ll start conversations with you.
7. Do use humor. Nothing breaks the ice in communication faster than a little tasteful humor. Try incorporating your natural wit into conversations. Tell a cute story, but keep it brief. And make sure he’s still listening to you while you’re at it.
8. Do smile from time to time while speaking. Nothing lightens up a conversation like a genuinely warm smile.
9. Do ask open-ended questions, not close-ended ones. Open ended questions require an explanation, closed ended questions require a “yes” or “no” answer. Not only does this give a longer conversation (so you won’t have to think of another nice topic again), it also makes your conversation very enjoyable and not boring.
10. Do include other people (e.g. your friends and his friends) in your conversation. It helps keep the atmosphere cool. This also tells him that you care about the people around you. Plus, if you’re talking to a person of the opposite gender, this’ll keep people from teasing you two.
11. Do learn to leave the conversation. It’s always better to be the first one to leave, especially if you don’t want to look like a sick puppy desperate for someone to talk to.
12. Do be expressive. Smile, use your hands to gesture, and vary your vocal tonality. At the end of playful phrases, inflect your voice upward. Exaggerate and be absurd at times. I repeat, at times. You don’t want him to think you’re too immature to be taken seriously, right?
13. Do be proud—or, at least, contented—of yourself, of who you are. How can you expect others to appreciate you if you can’t appreciate yourself?
14. Do be mindful of the things you say and/or do to a person. Make sure he’s comfortable with you before you start pointing out his flaws out loud and laughing at his mistakes. He might get offended…in a very, very bad way.
15. Do be sensitive. Oh, how people hate talking to people who can’t take a hint! Seriously, do you want to be slapped first before getting the message? Be aware of what he’s feeling. Communication isn’t just verbal; actually, a very big part of it is nonverbal. Body language? It matters a lot.
16. Do be brave enough to open up and be vulnerable to other people. Hiding behind barriers won’t get you anywhere.
17. Do be patient when you’re still starting up your relationship. Getting to know each other and earning someone’s trust takes time and patience.
18. Do be updated with what’s ‘in’ at the moment. This isn’t a must, but you will definitely have a better chance of enjoying a conversation with him if you know what most people are talking about. You won’t seem like a guy who sped his whole life under a rock.
19. Do relax and be random. Be unpredictable and fun to be with. Many people love hanging out with people who never fail to make them smile and laugh, and being random and cheerful really help do the job. What makes being random quite difficult is being natural and unique even when you’re random. You shouldn’t lose your sense of individuality. Be spontaneous. You can be random in your own little way.
20. Do enjoy. Why give this much effort when you don’t like what you’re getting?
DON’Ts:
1. Don’t be too clingy. Yes, you talk a lot now, but still, acting like an obsessed stalker is surely going to creep almost everyone out.
2. Don’t talk too much. He probably wants to talk, too.
3. Don’t change who you are, and don’t try to change who he is, too. Changing other people is fine, but not when it’s forced. Sure, you develop a new understanding of the world and other things because of your conversations, but don’t expect it to happen so quickly. Let it happen naturally, and you’ll be just fine.
4. Don’t keep everything planned and/or scripted. It practically ruins everything. And, if you keep that up, sooner or later, he will notice this and will feel like you’re gripping on his neck, forcing him to do what you want him to.
5. Don’t force yourself to make eye contact if you’re not comfortable with it. It might make the situation a little awkward, especially if you’re not that close yet.
6. Don’t try to be someone else. If he likes punk rock and you like classical music, you don’t have to pretend to like punk rock. A few times of copying his likes and dislikes might slip, but he’s gonna catch you doing it sooner or later, and he might think you’re a fake.
7. Don’t assume that you already know a person completely. You might be extremely shocked when you find out that the girl who’s always wearing nerdy glasses and long skirts can party even harder than you.
8. Don’t make your world revolve around him or your conversations. You have your own life, too.
9. Don’t assume that he’s pushing you away when he tells you that he’s busy, or does something similar to that. Remember: He might be telling the truth.
10. Don’t just talk about yourself all the time. Ask him about him—how his day went, what happened in school, what he thinks about the TV show you both watch, or why he likes his favorite game.
Traits:
1. Expressive – A person who knows how to express himself is easy and interesting to talk to.
2. Confident – A confident person knows that he is worth listening to, that he is worth talking to. If you don’t think people should listen to you, how can you expect other people to think you’re worth talking to?
3. Humorous – If a person gets someone to laugh—or, at least, smile—, he’s already broken down the first layer of that person’s defense. A humorous person can easily make other people comfortable with them.
4. Sensitive – A sensitive person is good at nonverbal communication. He doesn’t need a person to tell him what that person feels; he’s already figured it out.
5. Patient – Getting to know someone and earning his trust takes time and patience.
6. Trustworthy – Earning a person’s trust isn’t as easy as it is for other people. Someone who doesn’t go back on his word and keeps his promises easily earns a person’s trust.
7. Polite – Do I still need to explain this?
8. Spontaneous – A spontaneous person, one who acts the way his mind tells him to, can express himself efficiently.
9. Adaptive – The world won’t change for the people. People adapt to the world. In our extremely uncertain world, adaptability and flexibility are good attributes to possess.
10. Updated – What are you two going to talk about if you don’t know what’s happening in this time and age? An updated person can easily find a conversation topic that both of them can talk about.
~~~~
That’s about it. I hope I helped (and answered the question I was given).
If it’s meant for you, it will come back to you.
Giving up is something many people tell you not to do. But, sometimes, when things get so bad, you can’t help but give up on what you’re doing. But, interestingly, when some things are meant to happen, even if you’ve given up in the past, it will come back. Hopefully, this time, you’re much stronger and braver than before. Hopefully, you’ll be able to take up the challenge.
Back when I was in fourth grade, I tried a lot of things—such as composing lyrics and creating my own comic book, which meant writing my own story. Anyway, there came a time when I looked at my work and said to myself, “Man, I suck! What am I thinking? I have no talent!” Of course, that time came with the help of a few—or maybe several—of my classmates’ tweaking my stuff. So from that point on, I stopped composing. I stopped drawing. AND I stopped writing completely. I thought it wasn’t my thing. I thought they were right, that I should put the pencil down and stop writing, ’cause I sucked.
But I was wrong.
I know I’m not an excellent writer. I may not even be a good writer. But I’m pretty sure I’m much better than the writer I was, years ago. I shouldn’t have put my sword—the pen—down. I should’ve held my sword tightly, plunged into the battle, slayed those warriors—those who tweaked my stuff—, and showed them who’s boss.
Yes, I can’t change the past, but what happens from now on is in my hands. Now that it’s back to me, I’m not gonna give this up that easily. Not anymore. Because I believe that this is meant for you.
And, if it’s meant for you, it will come back to you. ♥
My Sweet Doll
My Sweet Doll
by Cattleya Amber
They threw her down the planet’s skin,
Removed the blinder from her eyes,
And took off with frenetic grins
Like celebrating her demise.
The forest grumbled as they skimmed,
Disturbed the woodland’s slumber, and
Awakened fractious spirit Grim,
His lips, a smile not so jocund.
“I mean no harm. Don’t trepidate.
You are the fairest of them all.
Summon to mind their sins so great.
Come with me now, my sweet, sweet doll.”
Lethargic no more, ran by foot
The danger Grim brought: worse than Death’s.
But down she went, tripped by a root.
So Grim caught up without a sweat.
Behind a tree, she tried to hide.
She took the shackles off her hands.
Her mind deranged, she looked behind,
And all she saw was tree-filled lands.
She huffed and puffed; she closed her eyes,
Her pulsating heart languourous.
She turned and found out otherwise.
So, now, she felt lugubrious.
“I mean no harm. Don’t trepidate.
You are the fairest of them all.
Summon to mind their sins so great.
Come with me now, my sweet, sweet doll.
“To them, your pain is victory.
Now, don’t those people bridle you?
So make them suffer. No mercy!
Let’s exult in the bloody view.”
With tear-stained cheeks, she nodded, meek.
Disconsolate, she let him give
A soft caress to her pale cheek,
A kiss of death that would relieve.
Vindictive eyes now saw anew,
The world now black and equable.
To life, she’d bidden her adieu
To lead a life abhorrible.
“How pleasing it will be to see
Your pale skin wear blood like a shawl.
Now, let’s go on a killing spree.
I’m with you now, my sweet, sweet doll.”
First Impressions
A simple glance is all it takes for a person to evaluate you when you meet for the first time. In this short time, he forms an opinion about you based on your appearance, your body language, your demeanor, and your mannerisms. Ironically, this opinion a person has formed in just a short time, is said to last for a long time, or simply, irreversible. And the worst part is, first impressions are very inaccurate. But we can’t help forming impressions on people we meet for the first time. It’s almost natural for a person to do that.
When I attended the first day of junior year, I quickly sat on a free seat and scanned the whole room. I had to admit that I formed assumptions about people based on the way I see them. I still remembered the way I formed my first impression of my classmates, Osnei, Norence, and Rosa.
At first glance, I assumed that Osnei was an arrogant boy who only talked to people in his level. He spoke loudly, which I thought was a sign that he was used to being listened to, to being the speaker and not the listener, and he moved carelessly, which I considered a sign that he didn’t care about what people thought about him. To be honest, I also knew he was good-looking, which meant he had something to brag about, something to be proud of. And I heard a lot of things about him from girls who knew him before, too, which supported my assumption. For a month, that was what I thought he was. So I didn’t talk to him, and I hated those times when he sat near my seat. Then we became seatmates the next month. I thought that was going to be one of the worst months of the year, but I was wrong, very wrong. Contrary to what I expected, it was one of the happiest months of my year. He was very funny and nice. Surprisingly, he was almost exactly opposite the boy I thought he was.
Then there was Norence, who seemed very girly and quite irritating at times, and Rosa, who looked very studious to the point that I thought she was boring. But there came a time when I got to “work” with them. We were told to make a play based on William Shakespeare’s work, “As You Like It”, and we acted together as Rosalinda, Celia, and Jackie–a female version of Jacques. When I got to know them, I realized that my impressions on them were wrong. Norence was actually a bit boyish, and Rosa was very funny, contrary to what I expected.
I am glad that my wrong impressions on my classmates didn’t stop me from being friends with them. They say you should not judge a book by its cover, and they’re right. Many people aren’t who they seem to be. And it’s unjust consider them as people they’re not. It’s like telling them to be someone else, someone they’re not, and it’s like forcing them to be a fake. Everyone deserves to be known for who they really are, so that they can be themselves even in front of others.
Sonnet 1
Sonnet 1
by Cattleya Amber
When the tears cease to pour down from the sky,
I raise my head and look up at the clouds,
Adore your vibrant colors standing by,
Cloaking the grief brought by Rain with the shrouds.
You come after the pearls run down my face;
By nature, give me a caring sermon.
The promises of God, you are the trace.
Show me the way that leads to perfection.
You adorn my sky with your striking soul.
Together, we share love once begotten.
You’ll remain in my heart from head to sole.
And you shan’t fade, never be forgotten.
As long as Rain falls, and the sky exists,
We shall be together, through turns and twists.
A Threat To Perfection
“There’s just one perfect way to eat a threat.” — A Threat To Perfection
I’m working on a new story. Yeah, I know I still have a lot of ongoing stories, but I really really really want to work on this one. It’s an idea I got when I was talking to a friend weeks ago. She has been telling me to create a compilation of one-shots about our classmates. But even if I wanted to, I couldn’t make one because it takes too much time and effort, and I got bored in the middle of the compilation last time. I didn’t want a repeat of that. So here was what I came up with: A story about the ‘friend’ who was talking to me! So yeah, that was where it started. Then I asked her what certain things she wanted the book to have. I took her preferences down on my notebook and let my brain do the work.
So I’ve decided to start working on the story days ago. It’s going to be about a girl named Maori who wants to be a band member of her dad’s band. The problem is… her dad won’t let her join because she’s a girl, and her dad doesn’t want her to be boyish and all. So she tells her brother, Miles, to join the band for her, but, sadly, music isn’t Miles’ thing.
Here comes Kiro, the new vocalist of their dad’s band. Oh, the band needs a vocalist A.S.A.P. because a band fest is about to be held in less than a week and their dad wants to be a part of the fest. Actually, before Kiro joins the band, Maori thinks the band fest can help her convince her dad to let her join the band, but because of Kiro, joining the band will be out of reach for her now.
So yeah, Kiro’s the reason why she can’t be a part of Sowed The Reaper, her dad’s band. Well, at least, she thinks he is.
The story’s called ‘A Threat To Perfection’ because the people they love will pose as a threat to reaching their ideas of perfection, and they need to choose between their loved ones and their dreams.
Hey, hey, hey! Wanna see the cover? It’s a temporary cover, but…here it is!
Sneak Peek:
She closes her eyes and exhales deeply. “You won’t help me even if you knew,” she replies.
As soon as the words registers to Miles’ brain, he walks over to her and sits beside her. He puts his arm around her shoulder and looks at his sister. “I’m so sorry, Riri, but I just… I can’t,” he says. “You know why.”
She pushes him away with her arms and faces him, her eyes and cheeks stained with tears. “That’s the point, Miles!” she yells. “I know why!” She sniffs and wipes away her tears. “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you in the first place.” She jumps down the platform, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
He calls her, “Riri.”
But she ignores him and leaves the kitchen. She sees Kiro outside the kitchen from the corner of her eye, looking at her with an expression she doesn’t have time and energy to decipher. She pushes him out of the way with all the force she can muster since he’s standing in the middle of the hallway.
“What’s your problem?” he yells at Maori as she passes by him like he’s so affected by what’s happening.
As she hears his question, she stops walking. She turns around and cocks an eyebrow. “What’s my problem?” she repeats, pointing her finger at herself. “You want to know what my problem is?” Taking two steps forward, she points her finger at his chest. “You,” she spits.
Confused, Kiro dumbly asks, “Me?”
“Yeah, you!” she shouts. She shakes her head, runs her fingers through her hair. Then she closes her eyes to stop the tears from running down her face and shakes her head wildly again. “But why am I even talking to you? You know,” she says, prodding his chest with her finger. “just leave the band,” She prods his chest with her finger again, “leave this house,” and again, “and leave our lives alone!” Then she turns around and runs to her room. She locks the door, keeping the tears from pouring down her face again.
How’s that for a sneak peek? XD Well, I hope you read my story. I’m going to post it on wattpad next week or something. Well, I’m still working on the description of the book. And I ain’t posting it until I finish the description. 🙂
So yeah, I hope you read my story. Don’t forget to comment and vote! ‘Til next time, bye!
Lohikäärme
So I’m writing this story called Lohikäärme. It’s very mysterious and exciting–well, to me, it is–because this story is somehow related to the life I have. (You can check it out on wattpad. ^_^ Just click the link or the picture! Don’t forget to vote and comment! ^__~ )
I love this story because compared to my other stories, I’m serious in writing this story. Not that I don’t care about my other stories and take it seriously, I just want to act like a serious writer when writing this story. Why? I dunno. XD Just kidding. I just feel something different when writing Lohikäärme’s chapters. It’s as if there’s something calling me, something carrying me from my world to their world. On top of that, Safia, the story’s protagonist, isn’t like my usual protagonists. She isn’t a girl trying to look tough. She’s not an over-concerned girlfriend who is secretly a witch. She’s not a girl in love with the owner of the hacienda she works in. She’s not a girl who plots to kill the psycho killer obsessed with her. And she’s not a girl stuck between love and death. To make it simple, she’s not someone trying to be different. She doesn’t need to…because she is different already.
To be honest, I think she’s the most realistic character I’ve created, and the most fantastic one, at the same time.
As usual, Safia is a lot similar to me, just like my other characters, simply because this story came from a dream, and I was in Safia’s position in that dream. So it’s really safe to say that we have a lot of things alike. She’s color blind. She doesn’t go outside the house that much. And she finds it very hard to fit in, because she’s different. She’s very special even among the special students. But let’s face it, there is no such girl who has the type of color blindness she has. There’s no such girl who can be as mysterious as her and more naive than she is. There’s no girl who knows so little about the world than she does.
Safia luckily meets a girl suitable to be her friend. She’s Koshka, a girl who’s way tougher than she looks. *wink* Actually, I want Koshka to be the main character in Lohikäärme’s sequel. Anyway, Koshka, a.k.a. Kosh, is a happy-go-lucky girl, in contrast to Safia’s mysterious character. The only problem with Koshka is she tends to solve everything on her own, and she’ll do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, for her best friend.
Now, let’s talk about the GUY. For some reason, I choose to keep this GUY’s name a secret. Why? Because in the story, he is addressed as ‘the man from the window’ for a lot of chapters. I don’t want this post to ruin the surprise, do I? XD Anyway, this guy’s physical characteristics are based on the man of my dreams, Howl Jenkins Pendragon. Don’t know him? Good. XD In my dream, this guy looks just like Howl. He’s REALLY the man of my dreams. XD
And, well, there’s this group of elders that are called the magisters. The four magisters are in charge of taking care of the special students in their castle. That’s all I’m going to tell you about the magisters. 🙂
I’ve entitled this story ‘Lohikäärme’ because I wanted the title to have a mysterious effect. It actually gives a big clue to the story. But here’s a gift from me to you. 😉 *SPOILER ALERT!* The word or name ‘Lohikäärme’ is connected to the GUY. ^__^
So yeah, ’til next time, goodbye!
To You, From Me
There are times when I wonder how I’ll feel if I didn’t know you, if I didn’t have a crush on you, if I didn’t admire you so much, if I didn’t feel these weird feelings you’re making me feel, ’cause after all, I just have a crush on you–and you might or might not even know I do–but I have a very, very, very, VERY bad feeling that you do. So basically, I’m not supposed to feel anything big, right? I’m not supposed to be hurt because I just admire you. Nothing more and nothing less.
But I do.
“You will always be the one who / Will leave me questioning my life” — Aicea (from the album Psyanotic by Thomas Dekker)
It’s funny how the words ‘I do’ usually represent love and joy, but saying–or rather, typing–those words hurt me. Why? Because knowing the fact that I’m being hurt when I don’t deserve to be hurt hurts me, but admitting that fact hurts me even more.
But seriously, there’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing, right? There’s nothing wrong with admiring someone who doesn’t admire me. There’s nothing wrong with needing someone who doesn’t need me. There’s nothing wrong with dreaming of someone who doesn’t dream of you. And there’s nothing wrong with loving someone who doesn’t love me. …as long as you can take the pain.
Just kidding, I don’t really love you. XD I’m just carried away by the lines I’m writing. XD
People ask me why I like you. And I can’t give an exact answer. People say that some girls don’t tell other people–especially girls–what they like or love about a man because they don’t want others to fall for him just like she did. But me? I can’t tell them what I like about you because I don’t even know why I like you. >_< You know, your face actually reminds me of lizards. But you know what? I don’t care. It’s nothing unusual, actually. I really tend to do or feel things without a reason. Yeah, yeah, fine. I act on instinct, I admit that.
“And it’s enough for me / To just be / The one who will always love you / Even though you don’t love me” — Aicea (from the album, Psyanotic by Thomas Dekker)
And even if it hurts to know that you love someone else, I still want to thank you for everything you’ve made me feel. You have already brought me to a mini-roller coaster ride I have never ridden on before without you knowing it. You’ve helped me improve my writing skills by making me feel emotions I’ve never felt before. So thank you.
“You have been so kind to me / Joys I cannot measure / Please don’t think that you have hurt me / Some things are just meant to be” — Aicea (from the album, Psyanotic by Thomas Dekker)
Why am I even doing this? ‘Cause I’ve wanted to forget. But you know, if I forget all these things, I won’t learn new things anymore. So I choose to learn from my mistakes. Learn to when to hold on. Learn when to let go. Learn to have hope. And learn to dream. And I’m writing this down–or rather, typing it down, if such phrase exists–so years after today, I can look back and see what I’ve been in years ago and be able to feel what I feel right now again.
Well, after all this dramatic nonsense I’ve blabbed about, I just want you to know that whenever you need someone to support you, to help you, to pray for you, I’ll always be here for you as a friend, as a classmate…always.
FatalShadow 